Right now, my heart is broken and my mind is frantically
searching for answers. In my role as a minister, one of my responsibilities is
to bring people together. Too often, even Christians have conflict with one
another, and they need help resolving the issues. The evidence is too easily
seen. Walk down the streets of any city in Alabama and you will find dozens of
churches. Many of them started because the people couldn’t get along. Conflict
probably started over some insignificant issue or someone got their feelings
hurt and no one was willing to apologize. So I’ll just pack up my toys and go
somewhere else to play. Is it any wonder that the church is losing the battle
for souls? Is it any wonder that we are becoming irrelevant as our voices are
swallowed up by the noise of conflict? We are living in a world where it is easier
to dispose of broken things than to fix them, and I fear that we have applied
that philosophy to the very thing that set us apart as Christians -- our
relationships with each other. Jesus said, “By this shall all men know that you
are my disciples: that you have love one for another.”
I will tell you this. Because we are sinful human beings,
conflict is inevitable. It is going to happen. You will experience conflict in
your life, your family, your work place, your school, and your church. What I
have discovered in my 30+ years of ministry is that unless all parties involved
want desperately to resolve the issues, there will be no resolution. It isn’t
enough to say you want it. It isn’t even enough to think you want it. You have
to want it so badly that you are willing to sacrifice to obtain it. You have to
be willing to sacrifice your time – that’s a given. Working out most issues
takes weeks, not days, because you have to get to the root of the problem. Many
times, the outward appearance of the conflict is only a poor reflection of what
is at the core. So you have to peel away layer after layer to get to the crux
of the matter, and that takes time. Too often, we are not willing even to
sacrifice the time that is necessary, so the conflict remains unresolved.
But there is something even more important than time as you
seek to resolve conflict and come together with a brother or sister in Christ.
Pride. You have to sacrifice your pride to find healing. We live in a society
that demands that everyone honor my rights. If you wrong me, I will get even.
That is my right! If you cheat me, I will take you to court. The New Testament
is filled with teachings that tell us it is better to let ourselves be
defrauded, defamed, and physically harmed than to respond with the anger that comes
from injured pride.
I am dealing with a situation right now where if all the parties
involved would just swallow their pride and come together in brokenness saying,
“I was wrong,” the whole issue would be resolved. The problem is that all sides
are saying, “I will do this, but I’m not saying that. I will go this far, but
no farther.” True brokenness, I believe, is the godly sorrow that produces
repentance. Paul says that this godly sorrow leads to salvation, but it comes
from a heart that is broken over the fact that our behavior has broken God’s
heart. And that kind of heart says, “I will lay down my pride. I will do
whatever is necessary to be united with my brother or sister in Christ.” Why?
Because I want the world to see our love for each other so that they will know
that we belong to Jesus and will want to belong to Jesus, too.
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